Mello and The Missing Chocolate
by TehSoulDevourer
Summary: Mello loses his chocolate, oh no! And who does he suspect first? Matt! Join us for a pre-DN crack-full experience as Mello searches for the culprit whom kidnapped his chocolate! Rated T for future chapter content to be safe of crackness. Crackfic. OOC.
1. The Case of the Missing Chocolate

**Hello. This is TSD. Taking a break from spamwriting BxA! Time for some nice ol' crackfics, man! I do not own Mello, Matt, Gameboys, Chocolate, Near, or Linda. Or Death Note. But you better be careful about that, I might just happen to have one hiding under my bed!**

**And so I present to you, the first chapter of _'Mello and the Missing Chocolate', _'The Case of the Missing Chocolate'!**

* * *

"…_Matt._"

"_Maaaaaaattt…"_

"Matt! Answer me!"

Mello slammed his hands on his table that was once covered in.. _chocolate._ His eyes narrowed as his stare boiled into the back of Matt's head. Matt was too busy playing some stupid game to pay attention to him! How pathetic!

"You stole it, didn't you?!"

"What'cha talking about, Mell?"

"You don't deserve to call me that, chocolate-napper!"

"Yeah, sure, whatever, just let me finish this level.."

Mello scowled, clenching his fists as he raised them from the table.

The table that..

Used to have chocolate on it.

"I'll get you, Matt! I'll get you one day!" He shouted, grabbing the nearest thing and chucking it at his best friend, who was the only person that would have been able to steal his chocolate! How dare he! He used his trust to get to his chocolate! It was the only possibility!

"Hey, ow! Dude, you made me press the wrong button! And why'd you throw my gameboy at me?!" Matt retorted as he turned his head to his friend who had apparently gotten mad at him as he played one of his _precious games. _"Get out of _my _room, Chocolate-napper!" Mello shouted, rage in his eyes. "I'm _so _telling on you!" He whined, "Unless maybe you want to admit to your crime now!"

"I swear, Mell, I didn't steal your chocolate! I would never!"

"You were just jealous! You couldn't stand being second to my wonderful chocolate! I'll get you! I swear! Go, chocolate-napper! Get outta my room!" Mello's eye twitched. He was without his.. his.. his _chocolate._ It was all Matt's doing! He knew it was!

It was only logical.

Come on, who else would have the idea of stealing his _chocolate?! _It made no sense. It could have only been Matt! He was the only one who would have the mind to force him to part with his only true love, _chocolate!_

Matt's eyes began to swell up with tears.

"B.. But.. Mello.."

"Get _out!_"

Matt gasped at his friend's sudden rage in his voice, turning around, swinging the door open. "I cared about you, Mello! I _cared!_" He yelled, before exiting the room in an overdramatic fashion. As he slammed the door, he sobbed. "I.. can't believe this! I cared!" Tears streamed down his face, wiping his eyes with his awesomely striped sleeves. After of course he moved his goggles from his eyes to the top of his head, of course!

Mello scowled a very scowly scowl as he watched Matt exit.

"He thinks he can make himself look completely innocent! I'll get him! He won't trick me!" He yelled, shaking his fist in the air.

"If he thinks he can get away with kidnapping _my _chocolate, he's wrong!"

And thus he began to plot against his ex-best-friend who stole his chocolate.

Mello paced around his room furiously, trying to think of a good way to get revenge on Matt and get his chocolate back. He would not let him get away with it! It's not like there was anyone else that could steal his chocolate! He squirmed his way into his heart and betrayed him! He was just using him to.. steal his chocolate!

How HORRIBLE could he be?!

Matt sobbed as he sat outside of the room he once shared with his best friend, trying to think of a way to prove his innocence.

And get all of his games back, too!

This..

Was war!

"Idiot!" He whined, "Why would he kick me out like that?! Like I'm just a disposable tissue! I cared about himmmm!" Matt proclaimed. His mind was coming to a blank. He had no idea what he could do about his current situation! No games, no Mello, no nothing!

It was horrible.

Meanwhile, Near was working on a puzzle and Linda was watching him intently as she drew something.

As always.

Near looked up from his puzzle at Linda, blinking. "Linda,"

"What is it, Near?"

"..Are Mello and Matt trying to make a soap opera again?"

* * *

**And thus ends the first chapter. It's really short, I know..**

**NearxLinda ftw. Please take note that this is a crackfic. Don't bother reviewing, I don't need to know how much you hate it :D**

**~TSD**


	2. The Mystery Continues

**A/N: I don't own DN, ect ect you know the drill this sucks blah blah**

The Mystery Continues

"You did it, didn't you?!"

Mello stared his newest suspect down, as if trying to tear them apart with his eyes.

Those scary eyes.

Those..

Horrible.

Eyes.

Staring into your _very soul._

Peering into your _heart!_

Tearing away your _darkest secrets._

Ripping the scabs off of your _deepest wounds._

"Don't just ignore me! I know you did it! I have a witness!"

"Mello, why are you yelling at my puzzle?"

"Don't try to cover it up! Why should you defend this.. this chocolate-napper, Near?! Why?!" Mello shouted, turning to near and pointing at his blank puzzle, waving his finger at it in circles furiously.

"You've accused Matt, Linda, random people you don't even know, and a woman going on a walk nearby. I don't think a puzzle would be your main suspect right now, Mello."

Mello gasped.

"You helped them, didn't you?! You're on _their side!_"

"Whatever you say." Near simply responded, before going back to his puzzle. He was the only one that didn't use one of the following responses below:

Start crying

Throw a pencil at him

Think he was crazy

All of the above

Suppose he's gonna have to add 'Practically ignore'.

Meanwhile, Matt was still being a drama llama over Mello's accusation.

"How could he?! I'm his loyal friend! Why would I steal his _stupid chocolate?!" _Matt shouted as he paced the empty hallway. Many people had come and gone during his episodes.

He had never been without his games for so long!

He was starting to lose his mind!

Somewhere, far away, Mello's eye twitched. He couldn't shake the feeling that someone said..

_Stupid._

_Chocolate._

_..Stupid Chocolate._

_...__** Stupid **__Chocolate._

The two words echoed in his mind like he was in an endless echoey space of echoness.

It was horrifying.

He twitched, clenching his fists, before pointing at random child.

"You said it, didn't you?! You said it! Don't stare at me like that! Hey, hey, don't run away! You can run, but you can't hide, chocolate-insulter! I'll get you!" Mello shouted, jutting a finger at the poor child that had decided to flee his wrath.

Boy, whoever stole his chocolate needed to give it back.

Fast.

Before he decided it was time to murder someone because they blinked when he accused them of stealing his chocolate.

"Ryuuzaki, are you sure you want to do this?"

"Watari, it is necessary that I choose my successor in case I am to die unexpectedly during the Kira case."

And so L stepped out of the vehicle…

..walked towards Wammy's House…

..Opened the door…

..And was lunged at.

"Holy cake with sprinkles and strawberries on top!"

"..And maybe some ice-cream, too!"

"It was you, wasn't it! I know it was you! You're the filthy nobody who _stole my chocolate!_"

Mello stared down at L, a dead serious look in his eyes.

And L stared back at him.

And Watari was just standing there wondering why the hell Mello tackled L to the ground screaming about chocolate.

"You won't get away with this! I will get you! Someday, some how!" Mello proclaimed, his eyes wide and twitching as if he were a maniac.

Oh wait.

Without his chocolate, he was!

**A/N: That was so pure crack. Don't even ask.**

**~TSD**


	3. The Case Is Taken, Something Is Gone!

**A/N: Hello. This is TSD. I suddenly got a burst of crackish inspiration..**

**..Sorry this is so short, although I don't think it's good at all.**

**WARNING WARNING OMG WARNING: This is a **_**crackfic, **_**thus it be very crackish in my eyes, causing many characters to be **_**OOC**_**, so please do not bother me about that.**

-

"You're chocolate went _missing?!_"

L stared at Mello with disbelief, his mouth agape. He was so startled that he almost lost his balance – he was sitting on the floor in his knee-hugging position, of course, but that only made it worse.

"..This is dire, Mello! Why didn't you contact me sooner?" He gave Mello no time to respond, before coming to a conclusion of the act that needed to be done. "Watari! I have no choice - I must solve this case! Bring me my spinny chair!" The legendary detective ordered, Watari's eyes widening.

Mello sat cross-legged upon the floor, arms crossed over his chest, his eyes narrowed – he was angry. It was only expected of him to be, though! Who wouldn't be, having their chocolate choconapped?! He had no choice but to sit back and plan ferociously until it came time to take action.

"L, please reconsider the matter! You don't necessarily need your spinny chair to –"

"Watari, I told you to bring me my spinny!"

"Please, L, think this through! You shouldn't be so rash, there is no need for your spinny chair right at this instant!"

L's eyes narrowed. "Watari, are you questioning the decision I, L, the greatest detective known to man, have come to?" He questioned, sending shivers down the older man's spine. "No, L, I just think that you should think this through," Watari began, walking towards L to put a hand on his shoulder, only to find himself pushed away. "Get me my spinny chair!"

Silence.

"Fine, Watari, I'll go get it myself!"

And suddenly, L rose to his feet, storming out of the room.

Mello blinked, snapping out of his trance. "..You.. old man.." He stared at the fear-paralyzed Watari.

"...You helped them too, didn't you! You don't want him to have his spinny chair so he doesn't figure out that you were involved, right? Right?!" He pointed at him, eyes twitching.

Watari made a break for it, fearing for his life. And that's when he looked out the window..

..To see L approaching his car.

Watari gasped, diving for the open door. "Don't look in the car, L!" He shouted, landing right infront of the door and skidding forward dramatically.

And that's when he grabbed the door handle; it was so horrible that it was almost slow-motion in Watari's eyes.

The [freaky] elderly man began to stand up, but was immediately tackled to the ground by a child so fast it was like a speeding bullet.

Also known as a chocolate deprived Mello.

"Oh no you don't, old man! I'm on to you! You're helping them! I just know it!" He shouted, blond hair dramatically swooshing as he moved his head frantically with his furious words.

L pulled the car door open..

...and gasped with such dramatization that it would require a close up.

"You.. How could you..."

He spun around on his heel quickly, jabbing a finger towards Watari. "How could you, Watari?! You didn't bring my spinny with us!" He shouted, a furious expression upon his face, as if he had just been told that Kira killed all of the cake bakers on Earth.

"I swear, L, it was an innocent mistake! I thought I'd put it in the car ahead of time!" Watari cried defensively, paying no attention to the furious Mello holding him captive against the ground.

"Mello!"

"Yeah?!"

"Go get me a piece of that cake I saw Roger with! I demand sweets in order to think of Watari's punishment for the absence of my _spinny chair!_"

Mello nodded, glaring so sharply at the eldest man, Watari, that he could feel it cutting into his mind [not literally], as he stood up. "..I'm on to you, oldie! You _will _pay!"

"Cake, Mello, cake!"

-

Mello sneakily crept through the hallways of Wammy's House, towards the office of Roger Ruvie. He was to successfully obtain a piece of cake in order to assist L, the awesome detective dude, decide on his punishment for Watari, also known as Quillish Wammy, whom was also one of the prime suspects of the current case on hand – The Case Of The Missing Chocolate.

"Mello, why are you crawling on the floor, dangerously close to the wall? Stalking another one of your 'chocolate-nappers', I'd think?!"

Mello gasped, looking up at the figure that had noticed him.

"Matt! Don't try to distract me! I will never allow you, Near, that stupid puzzle, Linda, and that scheming old man, Watari, get away with this!" He shouted, emotionally.

"I just want my games back! I don't need you, Mells! I don't!"

A crowd of kids stared at each other, awestruck. A girl leaned over to her friend, whispering, "Are they still trying to make that soap opera?"

"I think so," The friend whispered, "they're doing a great job at it, too."

"Hey, you there, Little Miss Gossip-pants! Don't look at me like that! You're one step closer to getting on my suspect list!" Mello accused, eye twitching insanely.

The girls backed away, intimidated.

And then Mello realized…

..He was on an important mission! He shouldn't have been wasting his time with these possible choconappers and one of the evil masterminds in the kidnapping of his chocolate! They were trying to keep him from his precious chocolate even more!

Bouncing to his feet, Mello gasped, and, with much due drama, pointed randomly behind the group of possible-choconappers/evil choconapper mastermind, and shouted, with great acting ability. "Look, guys, it's _L!_"

All of the children gasped, turning around and dashing towards where L was _supposedly _located. Matt, however, was the first to realize they had been tricked.

By this time, Mello was already mischievously scampering off.

Turning on his heel, Mello stuck his tongue out.

"Gotcha, suckers!"

He then spun back around, starting to get back on the move..

Matt's eyes narrowed.

"Oh yeah, Mells? I've got _a new roomie!_"

Mello gasped, his eyes widening, as he looked back at Matt, sincerely hurt.

**A/N:**

**Dun.**

**Dun.**

**DUNNNNNNNN~**

**Lol. That was lame.**

**Much worse then I imagined.**

**The car/spinny chair scene was inspired by a bunch of things – I really love spinning around in spinny chairs, and I had a fascination of drawing L spinning around in one earlier today, and the whole Watari not having the Spinny Chair was randomly inspired by nothingness and typed while listening to "Trapped In The Cupboard" from Mad TV.**

**This.**

**Is.**

**OOC.**

**Crack.**

**Failz.**

**~TSD**


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